I'm feeling seriously tired and really really depressed now. A lot of emotions are arising inside me and I can really feel all the negative emotion of me now. Frankly, nothing specific nor special happened to me. Most probably it's because I started to sense the negative emotions of people towards me.

It's not that I am too sensitive or what. It's just, I got too much of these experiences and these experiences had thus hurt me most in my entire life. And I think that's the reason why I am very very sensitive towards these matters.

Alright, I guess I should just stop all the mumblings and the turnings here and there now. I will just say out everything straight-forward now. Firstly, I realised that people had actually spoken bad about me behind my back. I want make it clear that, if I had did anything wrong or bad or whatever that made you to be so mad at me, I will never ever try to complain or express it out here. But the thing now is, you hated me and you talked bad about me just because it's due to your personal feelings towards me. I don't what I had done to make you dislike me or can I say, hate me. Please tell me face-to-face and don't ever backstab me like that! The thing you are doing now is exactly a person, who had nothing better to do, or cannot acheive what I had acheived do. And this is certainly NOT MY FAULT. Or to be frank, it's none of my business. When I first got to hear about some rumours about it, I tried to keep it quiet and assume that nothing had gone wrong. But whatever you are doing now had got to my nerves. I cannot stand it anymore. It's okay if you hate me but if you are now trying to influence others to hate me by backstabbing me, I really think that that's the way a COWARD do things. If you think that you are so great in everything and can surpass me in everything, then PROVE IT! Don't just sit down there, backstab me, making more people to hate me, and just continue to think that you had done nothing wrong and that you are right in everything.

Please la, I don't really care that much about your existance me my life, okay? Don't la think that you are playing a great awesome part in my life till I can get mad when you backstab me like that. Okay, now people misunderstood me and thought that I am the bad person who acts like I'm so proud in stuffs. =.= And one more thing, I just hate you who act so innocent to gain trust of others in believing that I am showing off myself all the time.

And to the person who actually believed in what he/she had said about me, I just say that, you did not know me well enough. Am I a person who will always irritate people by talking bad about them?! To me, talking bad stuffs about others behind other's back is a SIN. And I will definitely never do this kind of thing. And somehow, I believe that, people who really do know me well will never believe in all the negative stuffs you had spread around. People who trust in whatever rubbish you said, fine, I got nothing more to say. I won't mind to lessen the bonds between us if that's the way things had to be turned out.

For what I can say, I really really appreciate whatever I have now. Especially TRUE FRIENDS. Who will neverbackstab me, who understand me, and who are really, sincerely, trying to help me out in whatever problems I am facing. In other words, I kinda pity you, who always said that you are alone and no friends are around you. Why don't you think for yourself? There's nothing wrong with me! You are the only person that hates me. That's something wrong with you! Therefore, stop blaming me on everything!

I really really cherish what I got now. Seriously. To me, everything is a treasure. Something that I cannot gain unless I treat them with true and sincere heart. And I really believe that, people will treat you on how you treat people. That's also how I treat people. I am not yet a fool who will just give out everything. I hope that people around me will not hold grudge against each other so I had been tolerating with a lot of stuffs since then. I don't mind to give out but I am not yet an 'oh-so-generous-person' who will just give out everything. Sorry I don't want to talk about anything harsh here. If you really hate me that much, then sorry, I don't want to face you ever again.

By the way, I had been considering about this topic for a very long time. I am trying to find a solution. Then I came out with a lot of reasons why these happened. Why am I so mad to know that people had backstabbed me? Because I am not a person like what this backstabber said and he/she actually influenced the friendship between me and my friends. Why am I so concern about this issue? Because I hate the negative feelings that will arise in me whenever I found out. Why is it so? Because I don't want to get hurt anymore.

It's just as simple as that.

And one more thing before I end this 'harsh' post, I just cannot imagine how selfish a person can be. When this certain person asked me for urgent/last-minute help, I will always help out as best as I could. But now, when I asked this person to do me a simple favour, he/she can just reject me without even saying a simple 'sorry'. FINE. What had I done to deserve this?! I had helped out as how he/she wanted in the past and now, what's the meaning of this? How can a person be so selfish as that?! I really really can't imagine it. And now I know that, even though you did good deeds, it will not always paid off. Like what I said before, I will treat people the way they treat me. FINE. I will never help you ever again when you ask me for help. It's not that I'm selfish, that's what you asked for. Come on then, hate me! It's just so unfair I cannot stand it anymore.

I'm feeling seriously tired and really really depressed now. A lot of emotions are arising inside me and I can really feel all the negative emotion of me now. Frankly, nothing specific nor special happened to me. Most probably it's because I started to sense the negative emotions of people towards me.

It's not that I am too sensitive or what. It's just, I got too much of these experiences and these experiences had thus hurt me most in my entire life. And I think that's the reason why I am very very sensitive towards these matters.

Alright, I guess I should just stop all the mumblings and the turnings here and there now. I will just say out everything straight-forward now. Firstly, I realised that people had actually spoken bad about me behind my back. I want make it clear that, if I had did anything wrong or bad or whatever that made you to be so mad at me, I will never ever try to complain or express it out here. But the thing now is, you hated me and you talked bad about me just because it's due to your personal feelings towards me. I don't what I had done to make you dislike me or can I say, hate me. Please tell me face-to-face and don't ever backstab me like that! The thing you are doing now is exactly a person, who had nothing better to do, or cannot acheive what I had acheived do. And this is certainly NOT MY FAULT. Or to be frank, it's none of my business. When I first got to hear about some rumours about it, I tried to keep it quiet and assume that nothing had gone wrong. But whatever you are doing now had got to my nerves. I cannot stand it anymore. It's okay if you hate me but if you are now trying to influence others to hate me by backstabbing me, I really think that that's the way a COWARD do things. If you think that you are so great in everything and can surpass me in everything, then PROVE IT! Don't just sit down there, backstab me, making more people to hate me, and just continue to think that you had done nothing wrong and that you are right in everything.

Please la, I don't really care that much about your existance me my life, okay? Don't la think that you are playing a great awesome part in my life till I can get mad when you backstab me like that. Okay, now people misunderstood me and thought that I am the bad person who acts like I'm so proud in stuffs. =.= And one more thing, I just hate you who act so innocent to gain trust of others in believing that I am showing off myself all the time.

And to the person who actually believed in what he/she had said about me, I just say that, you did not know me well enough. Am I a person who will always irritate people by talking bad about them?! To me, talking bad stuffs about others behind other's back is a SIN. And I will definitely never do this kind of thing. And somehow, I believe that, people who really do know me well will never believe in all the negative stuffs you had spread around. People who trust in whatever rubbish you said, fine, I got nothing more to say. I won't mind to lessen the bonds between us if that's the way things had to be turned out.

For what I can say, I really really appreciate whatever I have now. Especially TRUE FRIENDS. Who will neverbackstab me, who understand me, and who are really, sincerely, trying to help me out in whatever problems I am facing. In other words, I kinda pity you, who always said that you are alone and no friends are around you. Why don't you think for yourself? There's nothing wrong with me! You are the only person that hates me. That's something wrong with you! Therefore, stop blaming me on everything!

I really really cherish what I got now. Seriously. To me, everything is a treasure. Something that I cannot gain unless I treat them with true and sincere heart. And I really believe that, people will treat you on how you treat people. That's also how I treat people. I am not yet a fool who will just give out everything. I hope that people around me will not hold grudge against each other so I had been tolerating with a lot of stuffs since then. I don't mind to give out but I am not yet an 'oh-so-generous-person' who will just give out everything. Sorry I don't want to talk about anything harsh here. If you really hate me that much, then sorry, I don't want to face you ever again.

By the way, I had been considering about this topic for a very long time. I am trying to find a solution. Then I came out with a lot of reasons why these happened. Why am I so mad to know that people had backstabbed me? Because I am not a person like what this backstabber said and he/she actually influenced the friendship between me and my friends. Why am I so concern about this issue? Because I hate the negative feelings that will arise in me whenever I found out. Why is it so? Because I don't want to get hurt anymore.

It's just as simple as that.

And one more thing before I end this 'harsh' post, I just cannot imagine how selfish a person can be. When this certain person asked me for urgent/last-minute help, I will always help out as best as I could. But now, when I asked this person to do me a simple favour, he/she can just reject me without even saying a simple 'sorry'. FINE. What had I done to deserve this?! I had helped out as how he/she wanted in the past and now, what's the meaning of this? How can a person be so selfish as that?! I really really can't imagine it. And now I know that, even though you did good deeds, it will not always paid off. Like what I said before, I will treat people the way they treat me. FINE. I will never help you ever again when you ask me for help. It's not that I'm selfish, that's what you asked for. Come on then, hate me! It's just so unfair I cannot stand it anymore.